Sometimes I’m caught up in a web of yelling at my kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, giving bigger consequences than are needed, and refusing to meet basic needs, such as saying, “No dinner for a day.” Dramatic as it may sound, I am normal as any mother out there.
These are some of the power struggles that occur between me and my children over almost anything including, bedtime, getting dressed, eating food, being verbally disrespectful, not responding to rules and limits, doing high-risk behaviour such as playing with lighters and matches, or not staying on the sidewalk.
Please note that when I say “losing my temper,” I don’t mean physical violence. If parents find themselves engaging in aggressive physical behaviour when their kids act out, they need immediate help. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of in seeking help. Parents have to take responsibility when they find themselves crossing the line into physical abuse.
As a mother raising a toddler and two older children that are getting close to the “teen age”, I often become enmeshed in power struggles with them. Once this happens, the more complex my emotions become, and the harder it is to get out.
I hate being mad at my children and day in day out I have learnt how best to control my temper with and for them. I have met parents who have uttered negative statements to their children out of anger and these children’s self-esteem is taken away forever. This is one of the reasons I always try to be cautious of how far my temper can drive me.
In such moments I feel that my power is being tested and challenged by the child.
Losing your temper with your kids is negative in so many ways, not only for them but all parties involved. If losing your temper was effective, being a parent would be really easy. We would simply have to wait until our child was annoying us too much, then we would yell at him, and they would go out and change behaviour.
I have often told parents in my social circles, “If yelling worked, I would just simply call the kids into my room and yell at them and they would just go home and have a good week. Losing your temper is ineffective because the original problem is often forgotten in the heat of the argument, and goes unsolved after all is said and done. Instead of the child learning, they are left bitter and broken.
I must also add that controlling one’s temper is not easy at all, considering that we all react differently but you can make a choice to try your best and seek for help lest it destroys your parent – child relationship and even worse robs you of the trust you have between you and your child.
I’m going through a phase of revising my temper because from what I have been told and the few love letters from my munchkins, they describe me as anger tempered not even short. So I have promised to work on it because I need our relationship to work for the better. I don’t want to create any such situations that only place a gap between me and the children. I hope all parents out there can do the same.
