The announcement “you are pregnant” to a woman who is ready to be a mother creates mixed feelings. As soon as the doctor confirms this, you get numb and your heart skips a bit for a moment. You don’t know whether to cry or hold all the excitement in. You start seeing a beautiful, healthy baby in your arms. You begin to see what an amazing mother you are going to be. The best announcement I could compare this to is when a man you would take a bullet for asks “Will you marry me?”
Nine months fly by and your dream comes true. In your arms is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Now,this moment is supposed to be “beautiful” and nothing less. A baby with all human features in their proper places Is what you expect.
Hhmmm…sometimes some mothers get shocked when they realise that their child is different. They get the biggest disappointment of their lives when they have something contrary to their expectations. Although this baby is still beautiful anyway, he is physically or mentally challenged. This situation is complicated for any family. It is a test. Having a handicapped member requires a lot of emotional, physical and financial input. This means that every family member will be affected in one way or the other and the first challenge will be emotional.
All members have to come to terms with this new arrival, accept his uniqueness and accommodate him. ACCEPTANCE is major. When everyone stops looking at him as a problem, everything else will work out perfectly.
I went to school, sat on the same desk with blind boys. We always talked about our families back home. Mutwamu had the most hilarious stories about his family. He talked about them with so much love and attachment. Although he was totally blind,he would imitate his father’s way of walking. Now, that is closeness.
He had been accepted and was believed in by his parents. He made them proud. He was a bright boy who always came first in class and took home a trophy for most excellent pupil at the end of every year. His lack of eye sight didn’t stop him from coming top in all exams and that was simply because he was accommodated and believed in by his family.
Immediate effects have to be overcome as well. Everybody should be given time to heal.
Although the mother will have to put her life on hold, close her time-consuming activities; be it a job to first attend to this child, the rest have to ease the situation by filling the financial gap. The father may have to take on more than one job to be able to cater for all the necessary bills.
Even when we all sympathise with the mother who is emotionally drained and could have withdrawn herself from the general public, we should put all siblings,father and other members in consideration as well. The emotional journey can be walked by the family as one. Talk to each other and express your disappointments to one another.
A lot of explaining has to be done for the children. Giving answers to their questions if any about the why’s how’s and when’s concerning their brother must be done.
Children need enlightenment on the changes occurring in their lives.
Training them how to handle the new child will help both them and the child in question. Parents should take it upon themselves to teach them all how to play and talk to him depending on his inability. They should not be discouraged from proudly discussing and talking about their sibling.
Parents have to take this child along whenever they have family outings and not be ashamed of their his difference. It’s by this example that the rest will not in any way keep this child in the “closet”.
As the family struggles, everybody should know that even if this child is not what they anticipated, being physically and mentally handicapped doesn’t define his abilities.
Every child needs your full support for them to be able to explore and discover their abilities even when they are different.
